My New View: 08/01/2006

Thursday, August 31, 2006

What did I miss??

Ok...it appears that somewhere along this journey I missed something important. I was always under the impression that surfing required some very basic and simple equipment...swim attire, perhaps even a wetsuit depending on where you are, a board and perhaps most importantly WAVES...big ones.

Well, somehow I missed the boat on this one (sorry couldn't help it). It appears that you don't need big waves in order to surf...I offer into defense of this statement the following...this weekend is the 18th Annual Dairyland Surf Classic held in Sheboygan, Wisconsin. Don't believe me...click here for information on the events.

Can someone please, please, PLEASE explain to me how in the world there is such a thing as SURFING in SHEBOYGAN, WISCONSIN????

I've spent many years living near the lake that these people are going to be surfing in...yes, Lake Michigan is as big as the English Channel and yes, you can get some decent sized waves (I've been in some really nasty stuff while in a boat running from bad weather), but you have to go out towards the middle to see anything that should be surfable, but the largest that waves get by the shore is maybe 3 feet high at their crest in really nasty weather. Where are the waves supposed to be coming from for these people to surf on???

What did I miss??? It's almost worth the couple hour drive for me to check these nuts out...almost. Who knows...maybe my curiosity will build tomorrow while I'm playing hookey from work...

Oh well....if I don't stop in tomorrow, have a fantastic weekend!!! I'm spending a lovely 4 day weekend with absolutely nothing planned. Try and enjoy your view this weekend...I know that I'll be enjoying mine!

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Advice

I'm sure that many of you all have seen the list below at one time or another...but it's all good advice and I wanted to share anyway. Enjoy your view today, I am enjoying my own.

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. Its always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works...ever.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

The OG

I get home last night and just as I'm settling down to eat the phone rings....isn't that always the way it works? Sorry...I digress....where was I?? Oh, yeah....I'm sitting down to eat and the phone rings...I notice on the caller id that it's a cousin in California and the first thing that runs through my mind is 'Oh Shit, what if Gram didn't get there???'

Needless to say, I was relieved when it was Gram telling me that she was fine - but a little annoyed with people. Now, I know my Gram well enough to know that when she gets a little annoyed bad things happen to the source of that annoyance. Last time I saw her get a little annoyed, she stood toe to toe with a hairy, tattooed biker that had taken her parking spot...shaking her finger in his face and lecturing him on not showing proper respect. Without trying he could have squished her like a bug, instead he looked her in the eyes and reading his imminent demise there he appologized, backed his bike out of the spot and held traffic at bay while she moved her car and parked there.

Turns out that while she was waiting for her luggage, some self absorbed airhead decided to step between her and the luggage carousel, pull out their cell phone and call everyone they knew. Now, my Gram doesn't take kindly to rudeness....never has, never will. She says she tapped this person on the shoulder and said 'Excuse me, but you're in my way.' Any person with any self preservation instinct would duck and cover at this point, but this was Los Angeles....Gram didn't go into a lot of detail, but she did say that the Police Officers were laughing too hard to do more than suggest that she get her luggage and go about her day.

*SIGHS* That's my Gram...the OG.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Overblown

In all the years that I have known her, my Gram has never been a skittish woman. She has never been afraid of her own shadow or the dark, she never even blinked when she took me bungie jumping for my 26th birthday (and she went first!!) and she never showed fear of her own mortality when she was ill and in the hospital last year.

Why then, is this woman afraid that something horrendous is going to happen to her on her trip to California to visit some family?? Yes, my Gram is getting on an airplane in a couple of hours to spend 10 days in the Greater Los Angeles area...in spite of all the security crap that's going on. However, if you had heard the way she was talking Saturday morning, you would have thought that Muslim Extremists had called her and said 'We're going to be sitting next to you, Infidel. We have bombs that will pass your security and we will be blowing up your plane. Make peace with all those around you.'

I know that she's just concerned, but to have put me and my siblings through the whole 'if I don't come back, I want you to know you were my favorite' crapola...when the only one that got cash was my Son (and he got $25). The rest of us got copies of her key so we can go and take what we want 'if something happens'. What kind of passive-agressive crap is she pulling here? After all, my siblings and I all know that all the good stuff has already been tagged by our cousins (her true favorites...but that's another story).

When did my Fearless Gram become a victim of the media? Is this one of the unwritten signs of the Appocolypse?? Have we become so weak that we need to scare little old women who are trying to cross the country by air to see their family??

Yeah...this was my Saturday morning...my afternoon was spent explaining to my Son that Gram is just nervous about flying. Sunday was more of the same with him...he's now mostly convinced that his Gram is going to be ok, but until he reads Tuesday Morning's paper and sees that no planes going into LAX were hijacked or crashed, he's still gonna be on edge. I hope that you all got a chance to enjoy your weekend....have a great week and try to enjoy the view today. I'm doing my part to enjoy mine.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Royal Summons

My Son and I have been summoned to appear before The Gram tomorrow morning for breakfast. I admit, it's been a couple of weeks since I've seen my Gram, but we do speak daily. So it kind of caught me off guard a bit when she called me last night, just 2 hours after we had talked.

As I answered the phone the first thing I hear is..."You are coming for breakfast tomorrow morning, right?" I immediately figure that I've forgotten something important and as I quickly scan through the calendar, I cleverly stall for time...

"Um...Gram, you do know that it's a Boy's Weekend this week, right?"

"Yes, I want my eldest great-grandson to join me for breakfast - you can come too. That won't be a problem, will it?"

I think to myself...Gee glad I can be there too, I would hate to give the car to AN 8 YEAR OLD...wait - how can I get out of this, the food at her building dining room sucks...Shit, this is a Royal Summons - I can't get out of this...

"Absolutely not, Gram. What time should we be there?"

"9:30. Do you remember where My Table is?" I swear I always hear it in caps each time she says 'My Table'.

"Of course, Gram."

"Good. Don't be late." *CLICK*

As I realize that I have been hung up on I began to wonder what's going on, so I call my siblings. They each received a separate Summons, my sister for lunch tomorrow and my brother for dinner. The last time that we received separate Summons like this, it was to tell us that she was about to have a procedure done...so I checked with Dad next. He was unaware of the Summons that had been issued and was unaware of anything bad that we might be getting told, so I'm just going to enjoy the time with my Gram.

I'll be around at odd times this weekend, just to check in on everyone. Hope you all get to enjoy your views...I know I will be enjoying my own.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Mystery Solved

The answer was simple and kind of along the lines that I thought it would be. No guys with black helicopters, no evil plots to take over the world, no aliens...sort of a let down really.

I just got off the phone with one of my New York cousins. I haven't spoken with her since her Law School graduation almost a decade ago. Well, it turns out that about 6 years ago, she decided that she wanted to have a child. Since she wasn't married, not even dating seriously her options were a bit limited..so - that's right you guessed it - she adopted a little boy who was already named. Since his name was always one of her favorite boy's names she didn't bother to change it, she just added her last name behind it. Since then she got married and since her wedding two years ago, her husband has not gone through the adoption process for their son (they're leaving it up to him to decide when/if he wants to change to 'Daddy's' name), so he still has her maiden name...and I was right - every person with my last name is my family. There is now one more male in my family and he just happens to share my name.

Mystery solved.

I do have to admit...my inner-child is a bit depressed that we weren't involved in some really warped and twisted plot of international proportions and my inner-grandfather is ready to take a nap because of all the excitement...but I'm happy to have such a simple solution to the situation.

Attitude

This morning as I sit here and watch the sun rise, I am reflecting on the conversation that I had with the Secretary of the Rabbi at the Synagogue out East that has my 'twin'. With each sip of my Coke Zero (no chocolate milk today in deference to She Who NEVER Drinks Milk of ANY Kind), I filter a little more of the words that were exchanged and focus a bit more on the tone and attitude that was sent my way.

Perhaps it was just a regional thing...perhaps this woman was not intentionally being rude to someone asking for help. Why did it take almost a half-hour to get her to agree to take my phone numbers for both work and home - to pass on to the parents of my namesake?? Shouldn't someone that is the Secretary to the head of a religious organization have been more helpful...more willing to pass contact information along in a situation like this?? Perhaps she was simply doing her job for the guys with the black helicopters and trying to dissuade me from digging any deeper.

What nefarious plans do they have for the kid that has my name?? What are they planning?? Which Foreign Government is going to be toppled by the fruit of this Experiment??

Until I find out more, I know there's nothing I can do...so I am going to sit and enjoy my view....hope you get to enjoy your own.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Sunrise

When last I checked I was still me, so I'm posting today.

I still haven't heard anything back from the Synagogue out East...but based on the attitude I got when I tried to talk with someone yesterday, I might be inclined to start thinking that they're nothing but a cover for the guys with the black helicopters and all those strange experiments that the conspiracy nuts always rave about.

Oh well, until I find out that I am no longer me, I'll just keep on doing what I'm doing and not worrying about my other-self that's out there...somewhere...doing something...there's nothing I can do about him (me?) until I get some more information...so I'm not going to let it drive me (us?) nuttier.

I'm sitting here this morning, smiling and drinking a big glass of chocolate milk as the sun comes up...it's an amazing view...I wish you could all see it but you aren't here and my camera is down again so I can't even take a picture to share it that way. You'll just have to take my word for it...it is spectacular.

I get to see my Son tonight for the first time in over a week (He was on vacation with TB last week) and I can honestly say that anything he wants for supper tonight is fine with me...I don't care if he wants a bowl of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs with Mountain Dew...I don't care if he wants a couple carrot sticks and a veggie burger either...whatever he wants - he's getting.

I'll still keep you all updated as I find out more about the kid with my name...but until I know more I'm determined to keep enjoying my view...hope you get to enjoy your own.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Time Travel...I hope...

Either I am the victim of a strange time travel experiment, a huge coincidence or identity theft. I'm hoping that it's one of the first two, because dealing with the third would suck.

I know..you're sitting there screaming at the monitor...Mr. G., what the FUCK are you babbling about??? Just relax, while I explain...

This morning, my little brother called me to ask when I moved to New York and why I enrolled in Hebrew School again. He then went on to explain to me that he periodically Google's his name and the names of family, just to see what kind of web presence there is. While he was doing this, he came across an online newsletter for a Synagogue in New York sending birthday wishes to their religious school students and my name was listed.

Needless to say, I have already emailed the Synagogue - asking for information and providing them with means of contacting me and an edited version of my driver's license verifying my information. I'm hoping that someone in the New York branch of my family had named their child Michael without realizing that I shared that name...but the odds are huge that this is the case. Baring that...I hope that I'm involved in some strange experiment by the guys with the black helicopters, because I've spent too many years with this name and I really don't want to have to try to prove that I am me...at least, I think I am me...wait, now I'm confused....DAMN!

More on this as it unravels....in the meantime, I'm gonna relax and enjoy the view...I hope you all get to do the same.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Happy

Today's post was gonna be long and drawn out with me babbling about not wanting to wait for the final divorce decree...about wanting it over now...but I can't do it. I just can't complain. It's not in me today. Finally, after 3 long years full of crap, the end is finally within reach...and I can't stop smiling.

On top of this wonderful feeling, I only have to work a half day today!! Although I miss him, my Son is with TB this weekend...so I get to spend 2 and a half days of me time.

Have a great weekend everyone...try to get out and enjoy your view....I will be enjoying every moment of mine.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

UPDATE

As promised here's the latest in my world...

The paperwork that my lawyer wanted me to go over was the revised version of a settlement proposal that TB's lawyer sent to us for review. Surprise of all surprises - the paperwork was good!!

Monday, my lawyer takes my signed copies to court and they set the dates for firm-up. In theory, this fuckin' divorce that has been 3 long years in process could be over this time next week (depending on finding space on the court docket).

This particular road has been long...winding, with many back-switches...lots of potholes, most of them axel-breakers...and for a while there has been no end in sight. Finally...I am approaching the end of this road and the view from here is fabulous.

Anxious Day

Yesterday my inner child won out and I did take him to the zoo. It was a beautiful day, we sat on a bench and had hot-dogs for lunch, we ate cotton candy as we wandered and topped off the day with an ice-cream bar while looking at the monkeys. We had a blast!

Trying as hard as I can...today isn't going to be anywhere near as pleasant.

I got a phone call from my lawyer yesterday as I was on the way home from the zoo, telling me to be in his office at 4 PM today, he has paperwork we need to discuss. Now, this could either be the good kind of discussion that means that this damn divorce-thing is finally over or it could be the bad kind of discussion that means that this shit continues.

I'm trying so hard to remain positive about this...after all there's nothing I can do to change the way it's gonna work out. Still...today is an Anxious Day. I'll update this tonight after I get home from the lawyer.

I hope you get the chance to enjoy your own view today...I'll be trying to enjoy my own...

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Any Ideas???

Never did get to try and placate my inner child with chocolate yesterday...didn't need to - I bored him to sleep before he could cause major trouble. Turns out that my job is so mind numbing that my inner child was curled up and snoring, ever so sweetly, out of self defense before I was even half way through all my email yesterday. I've got a strange feeling that today's gonna be a bit different...he's had plenty of nap time and I think he might have found a can or 2 of Red Bull laying about...I think today, he's gonna find a way to kick my ass.

Anybody have any ideas on how to talk down an highly rested and overy stimulated inner child? Any ideas on how to placate an highly rested and overly stimulated inner child without just giving in?? Any ideas on how to keep that inner child from making me leave work early and going to the zoo...or worse???

Help...

Monday, August 14, 2006

NO!!!!!!

This morning my inner child is having one hell of a temper-tantrum. He refuses to accept that our week of vacation is over...not that I blame him, but I really don't have time to deal with him. Maybe I'll take the easy way out and throw chocolate at him later...but it will have to wait.

I just peeked at my work email and I have 823 messages waiting for me when I get to the office in an hour or so. I have a major project that needs to be finished today and I have no idea how much of it was done by the people I farmed it out to last week while I was away. Needless to say, for the next couple days I may not be around much in your comment boxes....it doesn't mean that I don't care - it just means that I'm still fighting to keep my head above water.

Before I go and subject myself to the hell that will be my week...here's a quick summary of my vacation:

It was fuckin' amazing, too short and I miss my Son...dropping him off yesterday was one of the hardest things I've done in a long, long time.
'Nuff said 'bout that.

I'll be a little busy to enjoy my view today...hope you all get to enjoy yours.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Feelin' Moldy

Ok...so maybe that should read Cultured....like cheese. The Art Institute was fabulous as always. We spent the entire day staring at some of the most beautiful artwork ever created...and that's pretty much all I have to say about that.

Today we're blowing off this newly polished exterior and going up to Volo, IL...to the Auto Musuem. There, spred over 4 warehouses, we will see cars that have been in movies and on tv...cars that have set drag track records...old cars that are on consignment...cars, cars and more cars. You know...dirty, smelly, boy stuff...and damn it - I'm looking forward to every moment of it!!!

Enjoy your view today....I know I'll be enjoying mine!

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

We Survived!!!

Before I give you all a rundown of yesterday, I've got a question....ever have a day that should have been amazing, but turned out to be just another good day because you couldn't share it with someone you wanted to??? The reason that I ask is because as great as yesterday was, I know that it would have been better still if I could have shared it right away by text or phone...but that still didn't dampen the day completely.

Turns out that my Son has the short game that I've been missing in my golf experience. Not only did he manage to 2 put most of the holes on the mini-golf course, but he got the only hole in one of our game. Yes, that's right...I had my butt handed to me by an 8 year old on the mini-golf course yesterday. To make matters worse...he took my cell-phone and called everyone that he knows to brag about the hole in one right after he did it...the conversations all went something like this "Hi, it's me. Just wanted to let you know that I just got a hole in one and I'm waiting for Daddy to finish so I can hit on the 16th hole. Talk to you soon." Sometimes I almost wish that my Son wasn't so much like me...

Ok...where was I....oh yeah, as we are finishing the 18th hole - the Manager of the place comes over. I'm starting to think this might be a good thing...she's in her late 20's-early 30's, blonde, attractive...yup you guessed it - she completely ignored me and spent 5 minutes talking directly with my Son...who's 8. Not even a glance in my direction...the kid is that good. We eventually finish the hole and as we are leaving, she gave him a coupon for a free round of play because "You're just the cutest thing I've ever seen."

So we leave the mini-golf place and go to the Nearly World Famous Brat Stop for lunch...where my Son works his magic yet again. Every waitress in the building passed our table and smiled at him at least once while we were there...somehow his glass of chocolate milk never emptied, he got 2 bags of chips with his knockwurst and he wound up with desert that never got added onto the bill. Me?? I got my bratwurst, one bag of chips, one RC cola (that emptied itself quite nicely, thank you for asking) and the bill. Yes, I tipped heavily...it was the least I could do. *Sighs*

So today we're off in the other direction...yup going to take the little man to the Big City. He asked to go to the Art Institute today, so we're off to catch a train. It'll have us down there in time for the doors to open and we'll spend the day looking at some of the most amazing works of art ever created. Enjoy your own view today...I'll definitely be enjoying mine.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Just In Case...

This week, I'm taking some vacation time to be with my Son. Today we are going to be venturing North...beyond the 'Cheddar Curtain' to play a little mini-golf and have lunch at the Nearly World Famous Brat Stop.

If for some reason, we are captured or left behind...the Director will disavow any knowledge of our existance. Therefore, just in case I don't make it back....know that the memory of your kind words to a voice on the web will never be forgotten...

If captured, I hope I don't crack under torture...the knowledge that I'm supposed to have shouldn't be allowed in the hands of others...where's that damn cynaide tablet???

I hope to see you all soon...try to enjoy your view....I'll be enjoying mine (right up until the bastards catch me)...

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Rhetorical

Today's thoughts are really rhetorical....but any input would be appreciated.

We each have a limit to the length of time we can hold it in...be it sadness, anger, pain, whatever...our cups only hold so much before they overflow. Sometimes you are in a safe harbor and ride out the emotional deluge that follows, other times you are smashed on the rocks by the unstoppable force of it. When that storm errupts, if you are smashed on the rocks...maybe your hull is strong enough to sustain the damage with minor scrapes to the paint...maybe the hull caves in and you take on a little water...maybe you're torn in half and sink on the spot - like the Titanic.

Sometimes we're fortunate and the only harm done is to ourselves...harm that heals over time...others, you take those you care about down with you. What can you do to make amends when that happens? How can you make things right when the things said in anger and sadness harm those that you would hurt least in this world??

How does one express the pain and regret that they feel for causing that hurt? What can you do to make things right? To let that person that you hurt know that their pain was the last thing you wanted? How do you ask for forgiveness or at least a willingness to keep going forward with the friendship?

Friday, August 04, 2006

Sorry

Sometimes it takes a Good Friend to make you see that you are an asshole.

I am embarassed by my previous post today. As a result I have removed it and will not republish it at any time going forward. Hatred in any form is not funny...neither is the furtherance of stereotypes. I was guilty of passing along material that was guilty of both.

If you did not see it, you won't understand.

If you did, I apologize for any offense that was given.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

The Olden Days

I received something similar to this in an email and I felt the need to put my own stamp on the ideas and share.

TO ALL THE 'KIDS' WHO WERE BORN IN THE 'OLDEN DAYS' :

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes. Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking. As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because......

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day...and we were O.K.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers...we went outside and rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door, rang the bell or just yelled for them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and we would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem. There were no lawsuits from any of these accidents. We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out (very many) eyes.

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

Our generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned...get this...

HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

Please take a moment and forward this post to anyone younger than you so they will know how brave we were. Be proud of yourself for having survived and enjoy your view today!!! I intend to enjoy mine (now that the heat wave has passed!!!).

PS - The larger type is because our eyes are shot at our age.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

I'm A Tree???

I freely admit to having stolen this from my Friend, Miranda. When you're done here go say Hi to her if you haven't yet (her link is off to the right there).

You Are A Hazelnut Tree
You're a charmer with a killer sense of humor. You are very demanding, but you can also be very understanding. No matter what, you always make a lasting impression - you're quite popular. Passionate, you are an active fighter for social causes and politics. In general, you are moody, honest, a perfectionist, and very sexual.
What's" Your Celtic Horoscope?

Enjoy your view today!!

Bring It!!

I never intended this blog to become about the weather or yet another porn site, so I want to apologize for the last several posts (this one too)...it's just been the only stuff that came to mind lately....

It's too bad that Herve Villechaize is no longer around because right now, after hearing the weather forecast for today and tomorrow, all I keep hearing echo through my head is "Hey Boss, the Rain...the Rain!!!!"

Ok...Ok...I admit it's a bad pun and I should show more respect to someone that has passed, but damn it - I am so looking forward to rain!!! Once this stuff starts to fall, the temperatures will fall from the upper 90s to the low 80s and I HATE the HEAT!!!

So, please....bring on the rain!!!

Enjoy your view today!!! When it rains....you can bet I'll be enjoying mine!

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Keeping Cool

With record heat expected again today...I hope that you all are doing whatever it takes to keep cool.

I'm trying to do the same...enjoy your view.

Who links to me?

My New View