No clue where the road is going...
just taking time and enjoying the view...
Friday, May 25, 2007
With Signs and Wonders...
OK... I know that it's been over for almost 2 months now, but there's something from Passover that has been sticking in my head.. it's a phrase from the section where the 10 plagues are discussed. The phrase is 'with signs and wonders'... and after watching this morning's news, I finally understand why it's been stuck in my head.
First they reported about today being the 30th anniversary of the release of Star Wars. Normally, the anniversary of a movie is no big sign of anything... but this was the first movie that I ever went to with just my Dad... kinda' a guy bonding thing. I remember sitting in the theater and staring up at the screen, lost in the movie... to the point where I forgot I had a bag of popcorn! LOL!! That sense of awe that the film inspired in the almost 7 year old me came flooding back momentarily... then the news story changed and they started talking about Iraq. This made me begin to wonder... what would the younger me think if he knew what was going on in today's world? Would the choices that I made in my life have been different? Would I have grown to be a different person? Would the truly important people in my life still be here?
Then, as I was driving in to work... they were reporting a fire in one of the many Chicago neighborhoods. The fire was well out of my way... it wasn't effecting me or anyone that I know... but I should have taken it as another sign. It seems that someone set some wooden outdoor furniture on a front porch on fire.. in the Wicker Park neighborhood. Now if someone that uses irony is an iron... I have to wonder just what the heck is God trying to press home to me with this bit of information??? Should I have just turned around and gone home on this beautiful sunny day before a long weekend??
I will continue to seek signs today... I wonder what I'll see...
It seems that one of my darling Friends has painted an incorrect picture of me. In her most recent post she accuses me of being a pusher. I am not a pusher...I am a Chocolate Consumption Facilitator.
What's the difference? It's both simple and clear as an arctic stream...a pusher gets paid for supplying a product - a facilitator does not. Now, some may argue that this just makes me a bad business person; however truth be told, I simply wanted to share wondrous chocolaty goodness with someone I care about as a public service....financial gain or loss never entered into the equation.
There...now that I've cleared up my proper title, let's focus on this wondrous chocolaty goodness...the M&M's Dark Candies. These little multi-colored bundles of YUM have become a constant fixture in the bowl on my desk. In theory, the bowl is there for anyone that comes into my office to have a little cheer in their day (yes, there is a spoon in the bowl for serving - hands are not allowed in the bowl)...however, in reality - IT'S MY DAMN BOWL OF CHOCOLATE, KEEP YOUR PAWS TO YOURSELF, GO GET YOUR OWN AND WHILE YOU'RE AT IT BRING ME MORE, TOO!!!! Sorry...momentary conflict between the addict and facilitator in me, I'm better now.
In her post, my Friend describes the proper way to consume these marvelous multi-hued chunks of heaven. For those of you who are still unclear on the etiquette, even after having read her post, as a Chocolate Consumption Facilitator allow me to reiterate, as each of the 4 steps is vital to proper enjoyment...
Step 1 - from the bag (or bowl) pour a small amount out onto a clean surface.
Step 2 - Sort each of the colors into individual piles. This step is almost as important as Step 3.
Step 3 - Select the color you are going to consume first and begin eating them, one at a time. DO NOT CHANGE COLORS UNTIL ALL OF ONE COLOR HAVE BEEN CONSUMED!!! This is the single most CRUCIAL step, as anyone who has ever properly eaten these will tell you - each color tastes different!
Step 4 - Continue as above until all have been eaten, then replace with another bag (or two...they are small after all).
There, now that I've done my part to not only salvage my reputation but to accurately live up to my title, I'm off to enjoy both my view and my chocolaty goodness....have a great day everyone!!!
Today was Mother's Day and I'm just getting in under the wire (my time) to let each of the Mothers that take a bit of their day to read my rubbish know that they were in my thoughts as I spent the day with my own Mom. I hope that your children treated each of you to something special, you all deserve it!
This year was a little special for my Mom. Friday (her birthday) was the 6 and a half year anniversary of her successfull completion of an extremely agressive surgery, chemotherapy and radiation treatment cycle for breast cancer. Today she and my sister walked in the annual Y-Me Race for Empowerment (or as it was called up until this year...the Walk for the Cure). Together they collected nearly $3,000 in sponsor donations to help fund the research for a cure for breast cancer. Their little drop in the bucket will be added to the donations of the thousands of other people that participated in the walks and runs that were held today across the country. Hopefully they will eventually figure out a cure so that no-one ever needs to lose a sister, daughter, mother, wife, cousin, aunt, or grandmother to this disease ever again.
Yes, it's finally happened...someone has figured me out...well my musical taste at least. While that's shocking enough all on it's own, the identity of the person that did it is more shocking still (to me at least). I'm sure that you all have figured out by now that it was my Son that did it.
Seems that the little man has been listening to the soundtrack from Shrek in preparation for seeing the upcoming movie and when he came across the song 'Hallelujah', by Rufus Wainwright, he immediately thought of me. He called me while I was on the way home last night and made me promise to come get the cd so I could hear the song.
Well, I've been playing it almost non-stop since then. Although the song is written to a love soon to be lost, it spoke to me as a mirror of the transitions that I went through in my own healing process...the one that has let me to this new view...and like all music that touches me, I want to share...
I heard there was a secret chord That David played and it pleased the Lord But you don't really care for music, do you? It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth, The minor fall, the major lift, the baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelu----jah
Your faith was strong but you needed proof, You saw her bathing on the roof, her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you She tied you to a kitchen chair, she broke your throne, she cut your hair, and from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelu----jah
Maybe I have been here before, I know this room; I have walked this floor, I used to live alone before I knew you I've seen your flag on the marble arch, love is not a victory march, it's a cold and its a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelu----jah
There was a time you let me know whats really going on below, but now you never show it to me, do you? (and) Remember when I moved in you; the holy dark was moving too, and every breath we drew was Hallelujah
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelu----jah
Maybe there's a God above, and all I ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you And its not a cry you can hear at night, its not somebody who's seen the light, its a cold and its a broken Hallelujah
I'm not quite sure what's wrong with me today...maybe I've lost what little mind I had left. I woke up this morning to a sun filled, brilliantly blue, cloudless sky...a forecast of 78 degrees (that's 26 degrees for you folks using the wrong measuring units)...and I decided not to use any of my personal or vacation time to play in the sun - I decided to go to work. What was I thinking???
It's too late for me to run away...I logged into the computers so they know I'm here. I keep looking out my windows and seeing the trees and the sun filled sky and asking myself...What were you thinking???
Anyone with any ideas...please let me know...I'm completely and totally lost on this one!!!
Yesterday ended so well...I had a nice quiet ride home...a simple yet enjoyable dinner (fried chicken is good eats)...I even went to sleep early. Yet somehow...even with all this good stuff leading into this morning...today is definitely NOT my day.
I get to the office and there are all kinds of problems waiting for me...paperwork that was supposed to be signed and sent to customers is returned to me unsigned...our daily numbers are so far off pace for the month that even the 17 shipping days remaining may not be enough to save this month from disaster...and then I got the call.
My lawyer called me...I should have known that this was a sign of bad things to come...he NEVER calls me with any good news. This morning he received papers from TB's lawyer. The WRONG PAPERS!!! After 4 and a half months since the last court date that mattered...after the Judge assigned to the case threatening to enter a directed verdict...after almost 4 years and me having spent almost enough money to buy a new car and put a down payment on a new house...TB and her overpriced talking head are still playing games. All we were waiting for to finally end this shit was a signed Parenting Agreement...simple, straight forward, no debating terms...just sign the version that the Judge said to sign and it's over. Instead, we received yet another settlement attempt that included me paying credit card bills that are not mine and although it isn't a parenting agreement it limited my ability to have any input into deciding what was best for my Son. Since I'm no longer into playing her games, I've got no choice but to go to court. This morning suddenly became very trying and very expensive.
Then I took another call.
This time from someone that has become, over the past couple of years, one of my closest Friends...someone who always seems to find a way to make me smile no matter what's been going on around me. This morning suddenly became calm...I even managed a smile and a laugh or two. I know that I said this earlier today, but I want to do it again...Thank you, my Friend. I appreciate the cheering up...I appreciate you being there for me.
I'm off to try and enjoy the afternoon. I hope that you all get to enjoy the view before you today...especially if it take a Friend to help you do it.
It's been a while since I've felt the need to gripe about anything...with the exception of this damn divorce still going on, life's been pretty good to me lately...but this morning, TB did her best to make me need to vent.
Today my Son had a doctor's appointment that I made for him so we could get a second opinion about some physical therapy that he's going through as a result of an injury back at the end of October. The physical therapist had made some recommendations regarding the course of treatment and I thought that they were a bit extreme so even though TB was taking my Son back to the doctor that prescribed physical therapy, I wanted to get a second opinion from my orthopedist. A week ago, TB's doctor said that the physical therapist was off her rocker and the treatment was not necessary, but I still wanted to keep this appointment (better safe than sorry). Well, to make a long story even longer...TB carries medical insurance for my Son because he resides with her (for now) most of the time. The doctor that we saw today accepts her insurance, so if the insurance was billed I would have only had to pay $10 for the visit. Yes, my darlings I said 'if'...TB refused to present the insurance information, so getting a second opinion for the health and well being of my Son wound up costing me $150.
Then in addition to this little act of selfishness on her part, TB had the balls to hand me a copy of the bill from the visit to the other doctor and tell me that I owe her half. I handed the bill to my Son and told him that he could write on this piece of scrap paper that I didn't need. Then TB started to try to argue with me about my unwillingness to aid in getting my Son to his 'Buddy Baseball'.
Buddy Baseball is an adaptive version of the game for children who are so severely mentally and physically handicapped that they can not participate in 'normal' baseball. Everyone fields (with the assistance of a 'normal' assistant (Buddy)) and everyone on the team gets to bat each of the 3 innings. There is no score keeping, no-one is ever out, there are no winners and there are no losers. THIS IS NOT BASEBALL!!! BASEBALL IS ABOUT WINNING AND LOOSING - IT IS PREPARATION FOR REAL LIFE!!! THIS IS NOT AN APPROPRIATE ACTIVITY FOR MY SON!!!! MY SON DOES EUCLIDEAN GEOMETRY AND IS READING (AND UNDERSTANDING) ROMEO AND JULIETTE!!!! MY SON IS NOT PHYSICALLY HANDICAPPED!!! WHY DOES TB NOT GET THIS???
I managed to keep my cool while TB was raising her ruckus and I avoided any arguments in front of my Son...but this is FAR from over. As soon as I get done with this, I'm calling my lawyer and demanding a new court date as soon as possible. This shit MUST end!!!
I feel better now that I've got this out...sorry if it ruined your ability to enjoy the view before you today...I'm not letting it ruin mine, anymore.
