No clue where the road is going...
just taking time and enjoying the view...
Friday, December 29, 2006
Resolutions...
For the first time in many years I am going to be making some New Year's Resolutions for the upcoming year. Resolutions that I want to fulfill...resolutions to make my life better...I think it's time.
First...I resolve to get myself back into shape...no, I'm not amorphous - just much better insulated than I would like to be. I'll put in my time...I'll look better...I'll feel better...I'll be more relaxed. I just need to remember to take it slowly - getting hurt by overdoing won't let me accomplish anything.
Second...I resolve to take a page out of my Son's playbook and become more outspoken. If you've just had a haircut and I think it looks like you lost 2 out of 3 falls in a wrestling match with a lawnmower, I'm going to tell you so. If you are strutting around in a new outfit that you obviously think looks fabulous on you and I wonder if you got a bowl of soup with the purchase, I'm going to ask you about it.
Third...I resolve to spend time 'giving back'. I've been blessed with a good job, a place to live, a loving family and many friends...others are not so lucky. I may not be able to solve all the problems in the world, but I can help those less fortunate than myself. "I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do." - Edward Everett Hale
Fourth...I resolve to use the vacation time that I have available so that even when I'm not with my Son, I'm not knocking myself senseless at the office. This year work stays in the office...it's not coming home with me anymore and it's not going to stop me from living. Among other things I want to do in the upcoming year, I want to go to Stampede and dine at Sasha.
Fifth...I resolve to let my inner child post and comment more often. It'll be good exercise for him...heck, it might even break him of his sarcastic streak...I hope...
This year...above all other resolutions...I resolve to take the time to enjoy the view before me every opportunity I get. I hope you all can do the same.
Today I took a day out of the precious vacation time that I have with my Son, so that I could go into the city to spend time in court so that this damn divorce might finally be over. First I shaved (something I don't do while on vacation with my Son), then I put on suit, dress shirt, tie and wing-tips (also something I don't do on vacation with my Son) and drove to the train station. The train got me downtown 10 minutes late. I rushed into court...to find that TB and her lawyer hadn't even bothered to show up yet either. They finally showed 20 minutes after I got there...the judge was most displeased that they were a half hour late. She (the judge) looked through the case file before her and then said "Councilors, in my chambers...now."
When my lawyer came out of the judge’s chambers, he told me that the judge was pissed because this hadn't been settled. She told TB's lawyer that it would be in his client's best interest to take advantage of this final opportunity to settle the case because 'she won't like the results if she doesn't'. The agreement that the judge 'suggested' that TB sign off on was the first attempt to settle that my lawyer wrote (now almost 2 and a half years ago). This agreement called for true joint custody and TB would retain residency...she would keep all her shit and I would keep all mine...you know - a basic divorce. Since this was the agreement that we wrote, my lawyer told me to go home and he would let me know what TB does. So now I'm in a holding pattern...I wait to see if by some miracle TB did the right thing finally or not. I'm not really holding my breath either way.
I don't know if I'll have a chance to be back online before next week. Just in case...have a very Merry Christmas everyone. I hope all your holiday wishes come true.
Enjoy the view that surrounds you....I know that I will be doing the best to enjoy my own.
OK, I'm pulling this blog over to the side of the road and I refuse to go another step until someone tells me WHERE DID 2006 GO???
I swear that just yesterday it was just January 1, 2006...wasn't it??? Where did another entire year go?? Who took it?? I don't remember spending the time doing anything productive... heck, I don't remember doing anything unproductive either... where did the time go??? I'm much too young to be worrying about time racing away from me and I don't drink enough to explain blanking out the majority of a year... where did 2006 go?? Friday when I leave the office I will only have 4 more working days left this year. I have vacation all next week and then my office is closed for Christmas on Monday. Then it's 2007.
A Friend commented yesterday that it would be nice if on December 31st at 11:59:59 PM all the problems and unresolved issues from the previous year would correct themselves and we could start the new year with a completely blank slate... no stress, no pain... just a new year to live as we see fit.
Since we don't get a completely blank slate, I hope that in the few days remaining this year each of you are able to come to some kind of closure with everything that has faced you in 2006 so that you can enter the new year as painlessly as possible.
A Friend asked me to write about something that was completely out of my normal comfort zone. Since writing/talking about myself is already out of my normal comfort zone I had to think about this one. After much thought I decided that I would share something that I wouldn't normally.
For as long as I can remember I have had periods where I will experience the same dream for a period of nights, then the dream will leave me just as quickly as it appeared. The dream is always the same, but with each telling or viewing, I gain more detail...more awareness of what is going on around me. I'm currently in a cycle where the dream is with me. If I believed as some distant family members did, I would say that I was not dreaming...but living what is being presented to me. Maybe by sharing it here, everything will make more sense...
Each night, I climb into bed and close my eyes...only to feel myself being nudged gently awake almost immediately. "Wake up, little one.." whispers a velvety voice.."your siblings are all waiting for you..." I open my eyes and they instantly adjust to the near twilight of the cave (CAVE??)...I see Mother as she backs away and turns to go outside. I pull my paws (paws?) under me and scramble along behind her...as I emerge into the sunlight meadow, I see the other cubs as they wrestle in the grass...with a little grunt of warning I run and pounce on one of my brothers...(time passes in a blur)
I'm standing in a river, just at the head of a small waterfall...the cool water rushes around me...it feels good in my fur...but it's just a distraction...I can smell them...the Salamon are coming! I've been so hungry for the past couple of days...I'm going to catch and eat these fish until I'm so full that I can't move...(time passes in a blur)
The cave is warm and dry in spite of the cool rain falling outside...the cubs have been very restless but I can see they are getting tired...their mother is out in the rain looking for something to feed them and I'm on baby-sitting detail...I growl at them as they come tumbling towards me, but they know that I love being used as a climbing toy and they pile all over me...the youngest decides that he's going to use my paw as a pillow and he settles down for a nap...the others notice that he's getting away with it and they all begin to settle down on or near me...(time passes in a blur)
I don't remember the berry bushes being such a long walk away...I can smell them...but my eyesight isn't what it used to be...this last winter seems to have really aged me...I get so tired, so easily...what was I doing again?? I think I'll just lay here in the sun for a bit...
The alarm clock rings and I sit up in bed...rested, but with a head full of memories that are not mine...the smells and sounds of the forest fading from my nose and ears...a hint of berries and fish lingering in my mouth...the urge to nap in the sun is almost strong enough to get me to call in sick...but I know I must go about my day.
I don't know how many more nights the dream will be with me...but I look forward to each night's sleep so I can share that life again...
Enjoy your views today and this weekend...I'll be enjoying the ones presented to me.
I'm not sure what it is, but these day's I don't really have that much that I feel the need to talk about. I'm just keeping my head down and counting down the days until I need to be in court for the beginning of the end of this damn divorce. For the record, it's now at 13 days. Yes, that's right...I'm in court on December 20th so that maybe...just maybe this can finally be over. Maybe, just maybe, I can begin to save my money instead of paying it to the lawyers...it's been a long time since I was able to get to the end of a pay period and have more than a quarter, a loose thread and half a stick of gum in my pockets.
What ever will become of me if I actually were able to have some money?? Well, I know that I would have to go on a long road trip to see some of you...and a long, long flight to see others...but maybe I would be able to get some of the toys that I've been eyeing for years...you know, little things, like an MP3 Player, a laptop, a new car, a new home...little things...
Oh well...I'm going to go sit and enjoy looking at the snow over the rim of my hot chocolate mug. I hope you all get to enjoy your own views today.
(begins to change shoes and sing softly so as not to hurt anyone's hearing)I'll be back, when the day is new, and I'll have more ideas for you. You'll have things you'll want to talk about. I will, too. So long, neighbor.
I woke up on Friday to find near white-out conditions...while I slept nearly 8 inches of snow fell and by lunch over a foot of heavy wet snow was on the ground. Needless to say, I didn't even try to get to the office. Somehow TB was able to get out of her house, so she dropped my Son off for our weekend together...I think she's still waiting for me to express gratitude for her doing something for a change. During our weekend together, we shoveled, we made holiday gifts, we watched some really bad football that somehow still got a win...then I had to take him back.
I woke up yesterday and had to drag myself to the office...where I found myself buried under other stuff. Even though I got most of it done, it seems like I just can't get completely out from under these days...but the sun is shining and tonight is Boy's Night so it isn't all bad.
Before I forget...there are 2 people that need to be reminded of something. Big Sis and Giggles - I'm here for both of you and you know how to get ahold of me when you need to talk.
I hope that you all get to enjoy your views today...I'm doing what I can to enjoy my own.
