Just Like Tevye...
If I were a rich man...since Saturday morning I've been thinking this over and over...because if I were a rich man, I would not be stuck in a state that is going to have a high temperature of 8 degrees (that's -13 C) with winds that drive the temp down to -20 degrees (that's just absurdly cold on any scale) and now as I glance out the window I see snow falling...OK...let's see...how to make a lot of money in a little time...
1 - Rob Bank...nope too risky...
2 - Marry rich old woman and kill her for inheritance...nope too Anna Nichole Smith...
3 - Kidnap Oprah's cat and hold for ransom...hell no - robbing a bank is less risky, that woman's cash buys lots of guys who know how to make people disappear...
4 - Sell kidney on the Black Market...nope...TB comes up missing a kidney and the cops would come right to my front door...
5 - Sell story of steamy love affair between Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie to the Enquirer...nope...even they are over those two skanks...
6 - Get adopted by Donald Trump...no, that won't work either...I would have to change my name then and Mr T is already taken...
7 - Sign Multi-Year Professional Sports Contract... no...that requires major talent that I just don't possess...
8 - Sell Amway...no...I respect myself and those around me too much to get trapped into that Ponzi Scheme...
9 - Build a website selling get rich quick information to the masses...hmmm...this one has some merit...Just send $29.95 for my quick success packet outlining what I did to become a multi-millionaire...step 1...figure out that there's no such thing as getting rich quick...step 2...build a website advertising a quick success packet for $29.95...step 3...mail 1 page flyer outlining above business strategy...step 4...go to jail for consumer fraud...OK, this one's a no too...
10 - Ask my grant writing friend to hunt for contributions for a grant for me to help fight the crippling effects of 'aes alienum maximus' (Latin for MAJOR DEBT)...I would even be willing to cut her a check from the proceeds for her time...Hey - I know you're out there...I know you're reading this...find me some money, girl!!!
OK...so I'm putting all my get rich quick eggs into one basket...not the first time and probably not the last...but at least it's a cute, witty and resourceful little basket this time...
Enjoy your views today everyone!! I'm going to sit here and watch the snow while I wait for my ship to come in!!
If I were a rich man,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I were a wealthy man.
posted by Mr. G @ 2/06/2007 10:47:00 AM
Comments: 4
