Today
Today even the beauty of the sunrise couldn't ease the turmoil within. Today I've been thinking of family...of duty...and I can't stop the thoughts.One of my father's first cousins is being transferred to hospice this morning. He went into the first stages of renal failure yesterday. This is hitting everyone in the family hard because it's another loss at too early an age...but it's really hitting my father hard because he was raised with this cousin and views him as the older brother he never had. I've mentioned before that I am the first born Son of a first born Son, but it goes deeper than that...I am the 7th generation first born Son in my family...I have not only the responsibility to take care of my immediate family...but it is my role to be the anchor that holds the extended family together also...at times like this, I wish there were someone else to do it.
My Gram, was the youngest of 14 children...together she and her siblings had over 50 children...today my Gram is the last of her generation and my father is one of less than a dozen of his generation. From my generation there are less than 30 of us and my Son's generation is barely out of the single digits...my family is shrinking and I can almost see a time when there will be no more of my line. This thought scares me...
I'm not just stuck on the morbid today...I've got some happy thoughts floating through this skull of mine...it's just that I can't bring myself to talk about them...it just doesn't seem right.
Sorry if today's post has brought you down...I'm ok - really...I'm going to get through today so I can spend tonight sitting and watching the sun set and build a fire in the fire-pit. I'll open a good bottle of wine and watch the flames dance and sway...this will be my view.
Please try and enjoy your own view today...whatever it may be...
posted by Mr. G @ 6/14/2006 07:45:00 AM
Comments: 5
