Blogging Under the Influence
Those of you who have read my ramblings for a while know that it is rare for me to post on a weekend...well here's another treat - for the first time, I'm posting under the influence...tonight after consuming some of the best barbecue on the planet, I traded shots of Belvedire Vodka with a Half-Mad Greek, one empty bottle and a couple of cigars later and yours truly is a bit more than a little blitzed. What's going to come out in this post??? I have no idea...but I'm not gonna worry about it either. My filters are overwhelmed, so maybe it'll be mushy....maybe a bit angry....maybe full of hurt...whatever happens ahead, happens...consider yourselves warned.Today was long..everywhere I went, everywhere I looked, everything I did...reminded me of what I've had to let go. First it was the woman in front of me at the store, the checkout girl from London...then it was a friend from high school who just got back from spending a week with his wife's family in Manchester...then it was the movies on every channel, Sabrina, Serendipity, You've Got Mail, Sleepless in Seattle...I finally had to go watch reruns of the World's Strongest Man competitions to 'escape'...even that wasn't enough. Finally we talk, and I am proud to have my Friend - I can accept my role as just a friend...
Enter Gus, the Half-Mad Greek and his barbecue...a new, sealed bottle of vodka and some of my favorite cigars. Gus, a man who's seen me grow up...a friend who has shared in family stuff for 23 years...a friend that asked too many of the wrong questions tonight...
I came home, spilled my heart down the wire...I was honest...perhaps too brutally honest...risking what we now share. Never again...I won't ask why anymore, I won't ask you to come Home anymore - you know that my heart is always open to you and you know the road Home if you want to walk it...but I am done...never again will I risk losing you as a Friend. You hold too large a part of me, and always will, to be gone from my life...I won't risk it. I promise.
Even after my ranting, we still talked...still shared...still told each other what we felt...I will always be here for you...in all ways...you know that. As we hung up, you told me you posted...I couldn't comment there - what I had to say was for you alone...by now you've read what I had to say, both in the comment I sent you as an offline and what I'm rambling about here...I hope we're still talking when all is said and done.
I've rambled enough...I'm gonna get a big glass of water and then turn in. Tomorrow when I wake up, I'll check my spot on the road...maybe sit and enjoy the view for a bit, before I check in with my Friend...I hope my call is a welcomed interruption to your day...
See Ya...
posted by Mr. G @ 4/29/2006 09:36:00 PM
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